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8.01.2011

Two Weeks Ago

Exactly two weeks ago we saw the faces of two sweet little baby boys that we thought could possibly be ours. Through a strange set of circumstances, we received an email from a different adoption agency letting us know that they had 7 mos. old twin boys that were available for adoption and no families that were "paper" ready- meaning there were no families within their program that had completed their home studies. It was an unusual situation for them as an agency, but they remembered that we had contacted them earlier and had expressed a desire for twins. They asked if we'd be interested in receiving the information on the boys and possibly moving forward. Of course we said, "Yes!"

I could detail all of the things that happened over the next days, but most of that doesn't matter... what does matter is that we instantly fell in love with these little guys (even though we were TRYING to guard our hearts) and they ended up going to another family. 

I think the hardest part (aside from having their sweet little faces etched into our memories) was also that this potential referral felt like the answer to all of our prayers- or at least to the prayers from the past 21 months we've been in this process. After all of the delays and setbacks, it felt like somehow we were getting everything we had hoped and prayed for. And then it was all gone. The previous week when we were notified that the timeframe with our agency had extended again, I thought we were at the bottom... but through this we learned that there was still deeper to go. 

Within the first few days of finding out that we would not be getting the boys, Don typed up some of what we felt God was doing through all of this, and I'm included it here so you can see as well.  
  • “Does God really have something better for us?” Yes and no. From a human standpoint, I’m not sure that God has something better for us. From the world’s perspective, God does not always give us the best possible life. He does not cause every detail to work out perfectly from a human standpoint. (If that were the case, we would be billionaires, living in Hawaii with six perfect children). But from God’s perspective, I do believe that he has something better for us. He desires to give us more of himself, more fruitfulness, more freedom from sin, more fellowship with Christ, more holiness, faith, joy, and love, more likeness to Christ, more closeness with him. God will give us the best possible life in this sense, which is the best possible life indeed! He knew that getting those twin boys would not be the best for us in this way, and his love wouldn’t allow it.
  • “Why even go through this? What’s the point?” This has already had a purifying effect upon us. It has caused us to draw near to God and to want to center our lives more fully upon him. How silly to devote our lives to any other center. I believe that this is one of the primary reasons why this happened. This is one more little hammer blow that is meant to break through our selfish, dull hearts. God is preparing us for more of himself.
  • Disappointments like this make us look forward to the day when all disappointments come to an end. When Jesus appears, all disappointments will be gone forever. This cursed world will be transformed into a world of continual, non-stop blessing. Bring it on, baby. Our eyes are now a bit more focused on that day.
  • We have been reminded that we cannot interpret God’s love for us based on our circumstances. We must interpret God’s attitude toward us based on the cross. God was willing to crush his only Son for us. He gave his Son over to death so that we could be his. God does love us, and his love was shown in the most full and extravagant way on the cross. We have been reminded that our eyes need to stay fixed on the cross.
Thank you again to so many of you who have been praying for us. I wasn't able to post about any of this (or anything else) earlier because the wound was still too fresh. Since many of you are following our story though, I decided to share it as this is now part of our story. 


I so want to be able to post good news soon, and I thank all of you for walking this long road with us and for loving us so well through this journey! 

7 comments:

Hillary said...

So so sorry to hear about this recent loss, but Don's words are beautiful and oh so true.

We had a "failed match" with twin boys a few months before Colbie arrived in our lives. I will say, I have never forgotten about those boys, and pray for them often still to this day, but when I see Colbie, I am assured that God's plan worked out just as it was meant too.

If nothing more, those two boys will have extra people praying for them their entire lives, all because of you.

kimberly said...

Praying!

Uncle Jeff and Aunt Jane said...

Oh, Sara and Don - our hearts are breaking and tears are being shed for you. But I see the hand of God in your lives and am encouraged for you that you have put yourselves in HIS story. Life can be almost unbearable at times with the loss of expectations and desires. Know that your wisdom in and relationship with Christ with always be sustaining. Keep living in him.

Rochelle said...

Oh wow. My heart literally burst in two reading those words. I'm so very sorry to hear that, friends!

I'm so thankful God's promises are true and that He is ever near to us in our time of need! Don's words are true and a good, powerful reminder to us all of how our trials purify and grow us. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it does lessen the intensity of the emotions we are tempted to feel. What gracious reminders that we need to cling to the Savior more than our earthly desires.

While it is hard to see the beauty in the pain, I think Hillary makes an excellent point that now these two boys will have extra people praying for them their entire lives because of you... and maybe these boys really need that! Only God knows for sure, and all you can do is cling tightly to Him as he guides your ship to the shore. You will get there friend, just keep waiting and trusting Him like you have all along. He is faithful, even when we can't see it, and even when we're so frustrated we want to punch the life out of our pillow.... He knows. He feels it too. Let Him take your pain and keep molding you into who He wants you to be. There really is no better feeling at the end of a lengthy trial when we look back and reflect on God's goodness through the trial, and the utter amazement of the deep rewards we see as a result of sticking through it. Hang in there, I have a feeling God's going to knock your socks off!!!! :)

Heidi said...

Broken hearted for you guys.

Mindy said...

Thank you for sharing your heartbreak with us, I can now pray a more specific prayer for you and Don and your child(ren). I can't even begin to imagine...but I am beyond impressed with Don's words and insight. God bless you and those you are touching through your journey.

Sarah Trask said...

I love you sis. You two are such an example to me.