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Today we received some additional pictures of the boys. The family that took our care package just returned from their trip and we got to see 7 new pictures of the boys. I so wish that I could post them here, but I have to wait until we pass court... grrr! In a couple of the pictures, they have their little care packages resting on their bellies, and in one they are holding their toys! Well, the big guy is holding his toy, but the little guy is not so interested yet... he seems to be more interested in sucking his thumb. I would say 90% of our pictures of him show him sucking his thumb (do I see braces and orthodontics bills in our future?).

Honestly, I was so happy to see the new pictures, and yet as soon as I saw them I felt so sad. In every picture we have of them, they are on their backs in their crib staring straight up. I am not complaining at all about their care; we are so thankful for our agency and for the nannies that are caring for them, but there are lots of babies and not a lot of nannies. How often are they held? Do they ever get put on their tummies? When was the last time their little cheeks were kissed?

I was looking at their sweet faces and wondering how many of their wakeful hours they spend staring at the ceiling when they should be staring into the smiling faces of their mom and dad, who love them. It broke my heart in a whole new way today to think about them being so far from us. 

I thought, All I can do is pray for them and entrust them to the Lord, and then I thought, Well, that's what I should be doing all the time, even when they are home- that's the best way to parent them both now and in the future! The Lord gently reminded me that even when we have them in our care and I'm able to help meet their physical needs, I'll still need to pray just as diligently for them, and I'll still need to entrust them to his care.  This is precious training time, and not being able to care for our boys' physical needs is making us learn to be dependent on the Lord for them in a way that we might not experience if they were with us right now.  

None of this has been easy, but none of it has been wasted either. 


Heidi said...

It's got to be so hard knowing that you can give them so much more than what they're getting now. Praying for a speedy rest of the process for you so that they can be in your loving, nurturing arms and home much sooner rather than later.

MerandEric said...

Sara, I am always in awe of your posts! So much wisdom, so much trust...so much beauty! I know this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but have you and Don ever considered publishing your entries into a book for other couples journeying through adoption? I think so many would be encouraged! Praying for you as you pray!!!

Corrie and Phil said...

Great perspective...although a tough reality.

Thinking of you!

Sarah Trask said...

I love you sar...so excited to hold my new nephews!