Feeding Tube and Coming Home

I had planned and hoped to do some regular updates on here, but our schedule these last three weeks has left little time for showering, let alone sending email or blog updates. 

The cliff notes version is that Eden had her surgery last Thursday for her feeding tube. The surgery went well, praise God! And she has tolerated her feeds well and the g-tube site is healing nicely. As of Monday of this week, we were notified that she might be able to come home on Thursday (tomorrow). And as of Tuesday (yesterday) we were told we needed to complete some training and spend a night here in the hospital caring for her on our own before we bring her home, which we're doing today with the hopes of bringing her home on Thursday at some point. 

So, I'm sitting in the NICU now hoping that she sleeps just a little longer so that I can type this update... 

I just finished the training this afternoon on the feeding tube, and I was "trained" on the suctioning device earlier this morning. I say trained, but basically I was holding Eden and feeling kind of sick and barely could even listen, so I'll have to be trained again on that before we leave. The suctioning device is basically to help her in case she has trouble with her secretions and needs us to pull any of it out of her throat to clear her airways. In terms of training, I think I have it down but I'll have the rest of today/tonight/tomorrow to practice without the help of a nurse. And Don is joining me tonight, so I'll be training him as well and  he'll have some time to practice also.  

The past couple of days have been very heavy for me even though we've been excited to have Eden coming home soon. Something about the reality of her condition and what caring for her will look like on top of three busy little boys has left me feeling totally overwhelmed. Never before have I been at a place where I feel so completely in over my head. I absolutely know that there's no way I can do this on my own and that I need God to strengthen me day by day, hour by hour in order to even survive, let alone thrive. I'm sitting in a small cubicle area surrounded by boxes of medical supplies and I'm so far outside of my comfort zone that I've been nauseous all day. I can barely stay on top of my boys' basic hygiene, and now I'll be cleaning Eden's g-tube site and setting up feeds and cleaning tubes every three hours around the clock. 

But despite the heaviness, there has been evidence of God's care in three specific ways:

*Saturday morning I was having a little bit of a hard time- just feeling like this is never going to end, it's never going to get better, she's never going to get better, and in fact she'll probably only get worse if the doctors are right in their prognosis. Then my phone rang and it was a flower shop in town saying that they had a delivery for me. It was the perfect timing and the perfect thing. Since Eden's diagnosis way back at my 20 week ultrasound, I have been buying or cutting fresh flowers to have in the house as a reminder of the many beautiful things that God gives us to enjoy and as a reminder of his care for me. And I knew that God had sent those flowers for me- that he had ordained the timing of it all to comfort me and to remind me of his care. 

*Last night after celebrating the twins' birthday and putting all the boys to bed, I came back to the hospital to see Eden. I was crying walking in to the hospital, just feeling like "I can't do this. I'm never going to be able to do this." and my phone alerted that a message had been sent from my dear aunt who reminded me that I can do this and that I will do well because of who God is. Again, just the reminder I needed and the timing was perfect. 

*Then, while walking into the NICU, one of the doctors was standing at the front desk and said, "Wow, what a beautiful sunset!" as I walked through the door. I turned around and could see through the little square window the sun setting behind the trees outside the hospital, and it really was beautiful. And it was a visible reminder of the greatness of God. And I had totally missed it on my drive in and would have missed it had the doctor not said it at that exact time. 

And here's a fourth one I'm just thinking of now. I mentioned earlier that I was feeling sick today, and I really was. In fact, a nurse took my temperature because I think I looked faint. I was really thinking I was going to have to tell them that I needed to go home and how it was going to be embarrassing and it was going to delay everything, but several of you texted me and I asked you to pray and I know that people must have been praying because about midway through the training the nauseousness completely lifted and the heaviness and feeling of being totally overwhelmed was gone too. And as I sit and type this I feel greatly refreshed and encouraged and hopeful. So, thank you. 

See how well God cares for us? We're going to be okay, better than okay.