Referral!!!

I can't believe I'm finally typing this!!! We got our referral on Thursday for TWIN boys. They are 4 months old and absolutely perfect. We love them already! 


Thank you for praying. It was worth the wait! I'll share more details very soon!!


"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

14

14 ways that God has used others to love us during these past 14 months:

• Our pastor meeting with us and counseling us, listening to us, and providing support and encouragement to us. 
• Countless emails and messages from friends and family telling us they are praying for us. I could list you all, but you know who you are, and we are thankful for all of you and for each of the messages you have sent to us! (And, Rochelle, seriously, is there anyone more thoughtful than you?! Thank you for checking in on me so often and sincerely caring about how we are doing.)
• A surprise advent basket last Christmas (that I still don't know who to thank for!).
• A package left by my dear friend (and sister-in-law). This made my day/week/month, and I still look at it from time to time! I think I cried first when I saw this and then laughed as I read the whole thing! This took a lot of thought and time, and I'll never forget it. 

• The diaper bag I've always dreamed of (and never thought I'd get) arriving at precisely the right time. Thank you, Elissa. God used you to remind me of his extravagant love on a day when I needed some encouragement. God is in the smallest of details- all the way down to you picking out the exact diaper bag I would have chosen for myself!

• A letter from a woman in our church who was sensitive to a situation that was hard for me. Your prayers and compassion brought me to tears.  
• People who bought and proudly wear our adoption shirts. I love seeing them on you!

• Friends and family who contributed financially to help us bring our baby home. We have been humbled by your generosity. Thank you for partnering with us!
• Sermons and songs that came at just the right moments.
• My mom crying over the phone with me more times than I could ever count. Thank you for your listening ear and your loving words that often served as a healing balm for my heart. 
• People who ask us how we're doing, even though it'd be easier to not bring it up.
• The women in our church calling a special prayer time for our family. Thank you for seeing a need and responding with such love and compassion. 
• People who buy us gifts for the baby, even though it's still so far away. You show us that this is real to you, and you help it seem more real to us. 

• Friends and family that have donated furniture and toys to help us prepare our home. We are so thankful!

Though this has been a long journey, we have been well loved and cared for. Thank you!

Silent Days

Well, today has been another silent Friday. Today marks six weeks that we have been number 1 on our agency's list for an infant boy (which may not have been clear from earlier posts). Referrals tend to be given out on Fridays, though they could technically come any day of the week. Our agency informed us that they would be in meetings all afternoon today and that we wouldn't be able to contact our family coordinators until Monday (which translates in my mind to they will not contact us either), which means it's another silent day, and the cycle continues. The hope and expectation that this could be the week crashes down again until next week when we start hoping again that maybe this will be the week. Throughout this process there have been different lessons at the various stages... the latest lesson: submission to the will of God, whatever that looks like. 


I'm thankful I was able to catch this on the radio today. I was listening to Nancy Leigh DeMoss interview a woman going through suffering and this stuck out me:  

I think what you (the woman being interviewed) are doing is helping people understand the sovereignty of God. It's been an incredible blessing and challenge to me to watch you say, "Though I don't understand this, yet I still trust that God is God, that He knows what He's doing, that He doesn't make mistakes, that He hasn't made any mistakes with my life, and I surrender myself to whatever He wants me to experience and to learn through all of this." 

I think of a number of women listening who have their own issues. It may be another physical affliction or a financial affliction or an affliction in their marriage or with a son or daughter that they cry themselves to sleep over at night, and they're saying, "This is so hard to understand." 

God's heart to that woman is, "You don't have to understand, but you do have to trust. Let Me be God. Trust that I know what I'm doing, that I'm too wise to make a mistake, and I'm too loving to hurt you except that I know that ultimately it will be for My glory and for your ultimate benefit."

Surely those truths mean more to me now than they ever did.  

Our little love

One of the positives of not having children yet (aside from being able to nap whenever we want, go out whenever we want, consistently sleep through the night, etc., etc.) is getting to love on our sweet nieces (and nephews-though they're a bit older and don't like to snuggle quite so much anymore!). We're able to focus on them and delight in them in a way that we might not be able to if we were distracted with our own kids. I'm thankful for that and for the relationships we've been able to build with all of our nieces and nephews during these child-free days. 


Tonight, Don's family came over and we got to celebrate with one of our nieces, Lucy, for her first Halloween. We love our little Lucy Lu, Lucy Girl, Lu Lu, Loopy, L, Sweetie Pie (you get the picture) so much. Sometimes I even swing by the nursery at church just to get a peek at her and possibly steal a little kiss on her sweet cheeks!


Here she is, starting the night out very stoically. Taking it all in...

Warming up... the baby doll is helping.

And she's off!

Hmm... Twix bar or baby doll? 

Happily sitting in the candy bowl...

Sweet little baby! We love you!!

Well Said...

I've been a bad blogger lately... mostly it's busyness- teaching, coaching, responsibilities at home and at church. Some of it though is due to the heaviness of the wait. Yes, we're close, closer than we've ever been, and yet somehow it's become so unreal to us over these long months that I can't imagine our phone ever ringing with that 703 area code that tells us it's our referral. We're number 1 on the list for an infant boy, the call could come any day, but there is still a genuine fear that it will never come. 


Someone shared this on our agency's yahoo group, and I thought it was so beautifully articulated. I know many people who have walked and are walking very painful journeys, but I don't know many at all that have walked the particular one that we are on. Sometimes it's helpful to hear from someone who has:

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only "I'm sorry for your loss." But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?" - Laura Bush

All Things Fall

I love this time of year! Right now we're enjoying football games, Honeycrisp apples, pulling out warm blankets, starting up the fireplace, and of course, fall decorating (though that's more me than Don!).

On Deck

The "good news" finally arrived today in the form of an email saying that we are officially "On Deck" to get our referral. We are so excited and so thankful for the encouragement as there really hasn't been any good news for us in the past 9 months. Seriously. 


The dark cloud that has been looming over us has parted just a little and light is shining through! There may actually be a baby for us in Ethiopia, and we may actually see his face soon!


Technically, being "On Deck" means that you're close. The referral could come at any time, most likely within 1-3 months. They let you know you are "On Deck" so that they can verify your request again, check to make sure they know how to contact you when the referral comes, and let you know what expenses will be due at the time of the referral. 


So, all that to say, it should happen within the next 3 months- though we're hoping for much sooner! Like, tomorrow would be nice.  

Waiting for Good News...

I decided after my last post that I wasn't going to post anything until we heard something GOOD. I felt weary of continuing to share the same information: more delays, more waiting, it's hard, we're doing okay. Some days/weeks/months are better than others. That pretty much sums up the last 22 months of this adoption process.


I had no idea when I made that decision that a very long time would go by without hearing anything GOOD. 


We're unofficially 3rd on the list with our agency for an infant boy, and we've been there for almost two months. We're just close enough to the top that there is a glimmer of hope that the referral could come any day (remember that four referral day several months back?), but we also know that being number 3 could still mean 6 more months of waiting for a referral, and then many more months of waiting for a court date.


So, we wait, and pray, and daily surrender it to the Lord to do as He sees fit for his glory and for our ultimate good. 


I read this recently from C.H. Spurgeon and it was used by God to help me take my eyes away from myself and to look to the preciousness of Jesus. I hope it is an encouragement to you as well.  

True have His promises been; not one has failed. I have often doubted Him, for that I blush; He has never failed me, in this I must rejoice. His promises have been yea and amen. I do but speak the testimony of every believer in Christ, though I put it thus personally to make it the more forcible. I bear witness that never servant had such a Master as I have; never brother had such a Kinsman as He has been to me; never spouse had such a Husband as Christ has been to my soul; never sinner a better Saviour; never soldier a better Captain; never mourner a better Comforter than Christ hath been to my spirit. I want none beside Him. In life, He is my life; and in death, He shall be the death of death; in poverty, Christ is my riches; in sickness, He makes my bed; in darkness, He is my Star; and in brightness, He is my Sun. By faith I understand that the blessed Son of God redeemed my soul with His own heart’s blood; and by sweet experience I know that He raised me up from the pit of dark despair, and set my feet on the rock. He died for me. This is the root of every satisfaction I have. He put all my transgressions away. He cleansed me with His precious blood; He covered me with His perfect righteousness; He wrapped me up in His own virtues. He has promised to keep me, while I abide in this world, from its temptations and snares; and when I depart from this world, He has already prepared for me a mansion in the Heaven of unfading bliss, and a crown of everlasting joy that shall never, never fade away. 

8 Years and a Mini Vacation

On July 26, we celebrated 8 years of marriage. The previous weekend we went on a mini-vacation to Michigan. We stayed in Saugatuck for one night and Traverse City for three nights. We had a GREAT time (despite the fact that it came on the heels of our big disappointment). 


Our hotel in Saugatuck. I spent most of my summers during high school and college working at various places in Saugatuck, so it was fun to come back now as a "tourist". 

Pumpernickles in Saugatuck still has the BEST cinnamon rolls ever. And doesn't Instagram make them look even sweeter?! 

We stayed right in downtown Traverse City, and it was so fun to be able to walk to the shops, restaurants, beaches, and river (guess who liked going to the river?). 

Here Don is fly fishing in the river. There were a few people who stopped and watched him fish for close to 30 minutes- it was so funny!

On Friday night, there were two different bands playing in the streets. One played Jazz music and the other did cover songs. There were also lots of stands and vendors out in the streets, which was really fun. 

Another fun experience on this trip was wine tasting. We went to 2 Lads, and the view was spectacular (overlooking Lake Michigan). 

One of the days we went to Leland, and it was such a cute town. We had lunch, walked around the shops, and of course, got some advice from the local fishermen. 

This was my meal one of our nights out. I'm only including it to prove that my tastes haven't changed much in the past twenty-five years. I'm still waiting to become the type of woman who chooses to order a salad instead of loaded cheese fries. 

Thankful for the 8 years of marriage God has given us (could say more on that), and thankful for our little getaway. And thankful that even in the midst of sadness and hard times, God gives so much joy as well. 

Two Weeks Ago

Exactly two weeks ago we saw the faces of two sweet little baby boys that we thought could possibly be ours. Through a strange set of circumstances, we received an email from a different adoption agency letting us know that they had 7 mos. old twin boys that were available for adoption and no families that were "paper" ready- meaning there were no families within their program that had completed their home studies. It was an unusual situation for them as an agency, but they remembered that we had contacted them earlier and had expressed a desire for twins. They asked if we'd be interested in receiving the information on the boys and possibly moving forward. Of course we said, "Yes!"

I could detail all of the things that happened over the next days, but most of that doesn't matter... what does matter is that we instantly fell in love with these little guys (even though we were TRYING to guard our hearts) and they ended up going to another family. 

I think the hardest part (aside from having their sweet little faces etched into our memories) was also that this potential referral felt like the answer to all of our prayers- or at least to the prayers from the past 21 months we've been in this process. After all of the delays and setbacks, it felt like somehow we were getting everything we had hoped and prayed for. And then it was all gone. The previous week when we were notified that the timeframe with our agency had extended again, I thought we were at the bottom... but through this we learned that there was still deeper to go. 

Within the first few days of finding out that we would not be getting the boys, Don typed up some of what we felt God was doing through all of this, and I'm included it here so you can see as well.  

• “Does God really have something better for us?” Yes and no. From a human standpoint, I’m not sure that God has something better for us. From the world’s perspective, God does not always give us the best possible life. He does not cause every detail to work out perfectly from a human standpoint. (If that were the case, we would be billionaires, living in Hawaii with six perfect children). But from God’s perspective, I do believe that he has something better for us. He desires to give us more of himself, more fruitfulness, more freedom from sin, more fellowship with Christ, more holiness, faith, joy, and love, more likeness to Christ, more closeness with him. God will give us the best possible life in this sense, which is the best possible life indeed! He knew that getting those twin boys would not be the best for us in this way, and his love wouldn’t allow it.
• “Why even go through this? What’s the point?” This has already had a purifying effect upon us. It has caused us to draw near to God and to want to center our lives more fully upon him. How silly to devote our lives to any other center. I believe that this is one of the primary reasons why this happened. This is one more little hammer blow that is meant to break through our selfish, dull hearts. God is preparing us for more of himself.
• Disappointments like this make us look forward to the day when all disappointments come to an end. When Jesus appears, all disappointments will be gone forever. This cursed world will be transformed into a world of continual, non-stop blessing. Bring it on, baby. Our eyes are now a bit more focused on that day.
• We have been reminded that we cannot interpret God’s love for us based on our circumstances. We must interpret God’s attitude toward us based on the cross. God was willing to crush his only Son for us. He gave his Son over to death so that we could be his. God does love us, and his love was shown in the most full and extravagant way on the cross. We have been reminded that our eyes need to stay fixed on the cross.

Thank you again to so many of you who have been praying for us. I wasn't able to post about any of this (or anything else) earlier because the wound was still too fresh. Since many of you are following our story though, I decided to share it as this is now part of our story. 


I so want to be able to post good news soon, and I thank all of you for walking this long road with us and for loving us so well through this journey!